It’s No Secret…

….that I hate a lot ( A LOT) of things but there is one special place in my heart to hate the DMV. For all my over-the-pond friends, the DMV is the Department of Motor Vehicles: the place where drivers licenses need to be renewed and souls go to die a slow death. I seriously know very few places that depress me more than the DMV with its grey walls, grey cubicles, grey seats, grey employees, grey everything. Seriously government, would it kill you to add another color to your buildings? Monochromatic is so 90′s.

Any ways, my local DMV, of course, is closed for renovations (I am assuming it’s getting another coat of grey paint, who knows) so I had to drive 4 cities over to renew my license. Now, as a responsible citizen and an efficient human being in general, I made an appointment earlier in the week to avoid the crazy line that snakes around 5 blocks from the building. I get there almost half an hour before my time scheduled because, of course, parking is a bitch. While I patiently wait for a mini van to attempt to park in reverse (she failed) then attempt to park head on (she failed again) I could only hope that person was there to have her license revoked. When I FINALLY found a parking space, I was greeted with a line for the “appointment only” people. No worries, this was only 4 blocks away instead of the usual 5.

My question is, what the fuck is the point of making an appointment if you still have to wait a bajillion hours to get helped?  Then I finally make it inside where they give me a number because I have to WAIT again. I go ask a lady if the seat next to her is taken and she just stares at me like I am speaking alien. Really you evil troll?! I really was going to blow off a head gasket until I walked up to the cubicle with the employee that was going to handle my paperwork and saw how grey and miserable she looked. And those florescent lights did no favors for her skin. I almost offered here my mascara and lip gloss in pity and felt grateful I didn’t have to work there or else I would have shot myself already (no offense to any one working there lol…it’s not for everyone!)

Well after all the aggravation, I finally got to take a new picture for my license and you don’t know how much I am praying it comes out ok! My makeup was on point, I practiced ALL week, I worked with my angles…shit a lady said it looked like I was posing for the cover of Vogue when I went up there. You bet I did! I didn’t wait 13 years and 2 hours for that moment in vain.

Today’s AWOW’s: Avoid the DMV at all cost (do everything they allow you to do online!) and if you can’t, bring a book…it’ll be a while!

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And those are the words of wisdom of the day!

Thank you for reading!

xoxo,

Arleene

Poll: Would you or wouldn’t you?

No one is going to answer to this but I just had to ask: 

If I move my Words of Wisdom from wordpress.com to wordpress.org, who would go with me? I really don’t want to chance it if it means losing all my favorite wordpress.com people on transit. 

Just curious before I make a huge mistake! lol 

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xoxo, 

Arleene 

People. How I LOVE People.

I don’t know if it’s the smog in the air, but LA parents do something to me…

I took my son and sister bowling yesterday and half way through the night, our peaceful shindig was shattered by this family and their terror of a son who were on the lane next to us. Not only were these people jacking our balls (will it kill you to walk to the wall full of fucking balls two feet away from you?) their kid kept throwing his ball into our gutter halting our game every 5 seconds and fighting my son for a green ball. The kid was four, mind you, and kept walking up the lane to the point the attendant at the front kept getting on the mic to tell him to stop. 

But the true horror was when this spawn of a child nearly put his head in the ball feeder. I raised my voice and told him to get away from there since it was dangerous and neither his mother or father were paying attention to him. The mom just smiled and said “Thank you” and continued to read her magazine. 

Are you fucking kidding me!!!!! I am not one to parent other people’s snot balls but I for sure do not want to witness a kid losing a limb let alone get beheaded by a freaken ball feeder! That is a trauma my child and I can live without. So don’t thank me, stupid lady! Tie your kid to a chair and call it a day! 

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Here come’s the bride…

There is always that one sloppy drunk chick at a wedding who is dressed like a slut, thinks she is Britney Spears on the dance floor,keeps stalking the best man, and no one has any idea who she is.

Don’t be that bitch.

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And those are the words of wisdom of the night!
Thank you for reading!

xoxo, 

Arleene